The revelations of the past few days have weighed heavily on me... like something clicked inside, and I now see the truth. I've always strongly believed that adult human beings should be able to pursue whatever interests they choose, whether legal or illegal, whether personally destructive or affirming. I felt that way until I connected with someone, recently, who is on a path toward self-immolation. I just don't know what to think anymore. I used to laugh off things like this, but I can't do that in this case. I just want to curl up into a ball and cry but that wouldn't help anything. This time it's personal; perhaps my only recourse is to seek out the advice of a professional.
On a brighter note, I somehow seem to be passing my courses in school. And when you're a graduate student, that means getting a B- or better. Not too shabby. Also, the next Hartford LARP event is this coming Friday--it feels like it's been forever, not 5 weeks. Also, I survived two auto accidents completely unharmed, either of which would have been serious in a different time or even under slightly different circumstances.
Things like these would have been solace for me when I was a child. Well, no longer. It makes me wonder what my role in all this is--am I strong enough to transcend the pettiness and become a full human, like Ralph? Or will I be food for the Beast, like Piggy or Simon? I guess only time will tell...
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